Solarbird (solarbird) wrote,
Solarbird
solarbird

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day five

Six things you wish you’d never done.

1. I've given a lot of people way too much slack in my life, and been taken advantage over it more than my fair share. Ben, for example, who I should've kicked out of Murkworks South months before I did it. Julie, who I should've have let get away with a fraction of the crap she slung at me. But they're far from the only ones.

(I'm ambivalent about having bought Murkworks South at this point, but I'm not going to make it an entry in this list, except as a footnote to item 1, apparently. Financially, it was brilliant. Emotionally, I failed to keep the household going after lyonesse moved out, the neighbourhood became bad enough that I have some PTSD symptoms off it, and otherwise, well, see above. But when Anna was going through medical hell, the income saved us. So it's a mixed bag.)

2. I spent a bunch of time trying to get on with a couple of large geek social groups in the last couple of years. One in particular was a big and somewhat damaging waste of time. I wish I hadn't tried.

3. Several years ago I posted some personal stuff - history, backstory, really, none of it pleasant, but none of it directed at anyone around me then - behind a filter. Most of the people on that filter - not all, but most - stopped being friends, some sooner than others. And whatever one might think of that reaction, and whether you can tie it directly to those posts, losing a bunch of friends while things were just starting to get really, really hard, didn't help.

Don't bother going to look for the posts. I took care of them. And they were, of course, never public.

4. I wish I hadn't gone to the wall to save Publisher 98's ship date. My hands were getting worse, I had an typing assistant and I was supposed to be on keyboard no more than 30 hours a week, but I let myself get pressured into a shorter deadline - and then had my workload increased on top of that. I pulled it off, but was punished, rather than rewarded; officially it was for being "too cranky" and "not communicating adequately with testers other than my own."

My arms are still fucked up. And while it wasn't my best code, it was good enough that it stayed in place for over a decade. They finally ripped it out in the latest release. That's a goddamned eternity in software.

5. I wish I hadn't stuck around in the U. District's University Park trying to salvage the situation as long as I did. Not with the household, in this case, but with the city and the slumlords vs. the neighbourhood It was a good fight, and we had the right of it - the law was unambiguously on our side - but we were outmatched, and when the people who enforce the law are actively and directly subverting it, well, really, that's when it's time to leave, if you're able.

I loved that neighbourhood, once, and chose to fight instead of flee, and while we did do some good, I took a lot of damage. It's a sadly familiar refrain in my life.

6. I drank 16 doubles for the price of one. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!
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