Solarbird (solarbird) wrote,

how can I improve this?

I’ve made a new landing page for people who specifically click on little trade ads I have with a few places. What do you think?

Remember, this isn’t the ad – it’d be hopeless as an ad. It’s what people who have already clicked on an ad see. So we can assume they have some interest out the gate. I’m also kind of assuming they’re readers, since that’s where these ads generally are anyway.

I feel like it’s certainly too wordy but I’m not seeing how to chip it down at the moment. I’d like to lose at least one line.

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Also posted to ソ-ラ-バ-ド-のおん; comment count unavailable comments at Dreamwidth.

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