December 22nd, 2015

Lecturing

machete order doesn't help

Sorry folks, Machete Order doesn't make Attack of the Clones any better. Tho' this time I did manage - barely - to stay awake, so perhaps I'm wrong - perhaps that order is why.

But I do understand all the fan edits now, just because christ, the editing on Clones was terrible. So much wasted time, so much pointlessness - it's just full of the kind of waste that makes you think, "Yeah, you know, I could edit this into shape." I think that's an illusion, because it's bullshit all the way down, but it makes you want to think that.

I had someone tell me on Facebook after I commented about this there, and I'm all like NO YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT, COUNT CRAPULA IS A TELL, HE'S CALLED "DOOKU" FOR A REASON. Sure, the three-sentence summary of this plot could be turned into a good movie, but the three-sentence summary of Plan 9 from Outer Space could be too. (And arguably it's called Captain Scarlet vs. the Mysterons, which is excellent, and proves my point.)

There aren't even good bones. Well, okay, maybe a few. But not enough to make a skeleton.

Also posted to ソ-ラ-バ-ド-のおん; comment count unavailable comments at Dreamwidth.

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dara

i thought i was done here

See now I'm not done. I thought I was done with Attack of the Clones commentary. But I'm not done. Because here's the thing:

I saw Attack of the Clones in the theatres, right? And I fell asleep during it, somewhere early middle, and woke up a little later, not having missed much.

Having managed - barely! - to stay awake the entire film this time, I can tell you now I was out in that theatre for a solid 45 minutes. And why didn't I know it was a solid 45 minutes at the time?

BECAUSE I DIDN'T FUCKING MISS ANYTHING THAT MATTERED.

Seriously, there was like another 45 minutes to this film I'd never seen. I had no idea any of it was there. Some of it I have seen in clips later and presumed it was from Revenge of the Sith. I am serious when I say this isn't "did I forget this part?" territory, this was "is this a new cut because George does that" territory, but it's not a new cut, it's just that all those minutes are that completely and utterly a total waste of screen time.

Also posted to ソ-ラ-バ-ド-のおん; comment count unavailable comments at Dreamwidth.

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