But I just can't stand this holiday. It's stressful and awful. I didn't always hate it, but now, yeah, I pretty much do.
I don't have the childhood memories that make it magic for most of you guys. Anna does, but I just don't. The few childhood memories I have at all mostly involve child abuse, sometimes by capital-letter-C Christians who in some cases are in religious roles, so the holiday starts off on a bad foot. Then my adult memories of Christmas are mostly of awkward and stressful interactions with my last guardians and people I barely know but that I'm supposed to treat like family even tho' everyone is freaky weird about it, trying my best to buy decent presents on zero budget for people I don't know and getting inappropriate gifts in exchange. ("Another wool sweater that I can't wear, just like last year. Oh how convenient, it fits you perfectly!") So that's fun.
Just as bad - again, for me, not for so many of you - is that Christmas has its basis in a religion that has spent my entire conscious life actively and directly trying to fuck me through force of law, and most of whose representatives from the more liberal wings would generally more have arguments over how badly I should be harmed rather than try to, you know, help. Even on the individual level, for years, I had oh-so-liberal Christians actually getting mad at me for asking them to try to get involved and do something about their more aggressive evangelical co-religionists. I have a tiny, tiny number counter-examples in my life - Christians who neither actively work to make my life hell or stand by and let others do it - but it's a very small number.
I am so fucking glad Christmas is over.
I should probably stop for a second to say that I don't mind if you guys enjoy Christmas. Great, go to. I'm not trying to Destroy All Christmas, so just stop before you start. Some of you have secular American Christmas full of Santa Claus and childhood memories, some of you have Christian Christmas in a way that isn't directed at trying to destroy me, and I try to cope when some people get irritated when I don't say "Christmas" and when I'm not all starry-eyed thrilled when you bring it up. But even in that regard, it's like everybody's preparing for and waxing poetic about a party to which I am not invited and at which I am not wanted. And, yes, I could declare that I'm coming, but I wouldn't actually be welcome, nor would I be happy being there. It'd be a sad version of a Mr. Bean Christmas, one without the Queen's Christmas Message, crackers, and amusing turkey incident. I'll save those up for New Year's and boozahol, thanks.
I was good with all the activity around Christmas for a long time - I love the lights, and I like a lot of the decorations, even if it always made me sad about the dead tree, and I like the ideas of giving presents and family, even if I kind of lack one behind me. But then Fox News and the fundamentalists started up their War On Christmas bullshit - so laughable! And yet, so omnipresent! - a few years ago as yet another way to suck joy and happiness out of the world, and that's metastasised to became yet another layer of American ritualised political fucktardary poisoning the air. Damn them for starting it, and damn anyone who falls for it. The only battle they won in this made-up war was making me actively dread Christmas. Congratulations, you asstards - you got what I suspect you really wanted anyway.
I try not to be rude about it to the rest of you. I really do. But I'm glad it's over, at least until next year. Yay! Particularly, for whatever reason, this year. Nothing particularly bad happened; I mostly managed to keep a wall between it and me, which is a help. 2010, while not an awesome year in a lot of ways, has been much better than the years-long chain of medical hell, social isolation and alienation, and economic and political bludgeoning Anna and I have been going through much of the last decade. 2010 - the year so many people on my friendslist have been complaining about - was really quite a step up!
And best of all, Christmas is over! Such a relief. Box that rabid little animal away for another 10 months or so, and let's look forward to celebrating a Happy New Year. At least, that's what I'll be doing. Happy New Year, everybody, for reals. We made it through another one!
Here, have some adorable puppies: